12
He didn’t take home that girl. Wrong information. But I’ve got new things to tell. Uhmm. Let me remember…
Well, my week “started out so good and ended up so bad”
School’s okay, everything’s fine, I’m writing the tests I missed. We’re hanging out a lot in Plázs with my girls. I saw “my” boy there a few times too. Oh God, but I still can’t believe, I can’t understand. Why am I still into him???
Last night was insane. Some of my friends from Budapest came here to “my” boy’s place coz they’re his friends too. It seemed like they’re not coming to the party we’re going but later my girl told me that they’re coming to. Fantastic…
We drank at our friend’s place: 3 girls, 1 boy. We had fun, we played cards. When we played enough we decided to go down to the club. We danced a lot, we had fun, there were so many friends. And then “my” boy’s crew… One of them is my ex-boyfriend and we remained friends so it was good to see him again, he just came back from Switzerland. He plays football too :) “My” boy was always with an other girl, he was totally drunk and STUFF… Then I realized that I’m kissing with my ex. It was okay, but…it was a bit weird at the same time coz I’m not use to kiss someone I’m not into. Okay, fact 1: we were goint out, fact 2: and that’s just okay. He was with me all night but I couldn’t stop staring at “my” boy. He didn’t even give me a glance. His roommate picked up a girl too and they went home earlier. I don’t think I should continue this sentence…
We stayed there, til our shoes was on the floor, then we decided to join to the rest of the crew and went home with them. We laughed a lot, it was fun. “My” boy spent most of the time with us but he was talking with the others I just sat there empty, observing. Then he went into his room where the girl was. I had fun too with my ex. I came home in the morning, slept 2 and half hours, then started to study for tomorrow. I had a rest and I logged in to MSN. My girl was online so I started to chat with her. And that’s when my mind gone crazy. She told me that my ex and “my” boy called her up that she has 10 minutes to get ready, then the others joined, they went to Plázs, had fun and nobody mentioned my name..except one case called what happened between me and my ex…nobody missed me. I was sooo sooo upsed and mad and annoyed and everything. Why didn’t they invite me? I’m done. Everything’s my fault. I’m so done. I can’t take this anymore. This is the time when I need to change. I don’t care. Some say, okay, everyone says that never change the person you are, never pretend to be someone you’re not. I’m not gonna pretend..I’m gonna change. And now I see. “When you’re close, I don’t breathe, I can’t find the words to speak and I feel sparks…” That’s what I feel when he’s near me. I’m in fire inside but outside I’m ice cold. I want to be a noisy, cheerful girl who I really am and end up being shy when he’s near me. Coz that’s the fact. I can’t talk, I can’t move, I can’t breathe. I’m an idiot I know. I just can’t stop looking at him. I could spend all my life staring at him and a lifetime wouldn’t even be enough to get enough of it. This is why I’m sad. I keep lying to myself that I’m over him. I’m definitely not and it’s killing me. I know what he wants. I know what I want. I just can’t make the first step. He looks through me, he treats me like dirt and I can’t handle it. I need a change. I hate to say this. And I know it’s stupid to put everything on risk and give up everything for him. Coz he doesn’t deserve it. He’s overrated. I don’t know what should I do to forget him. Maybe this is fate. He’s gonna be my destiny. I know for sure. And this is where everything ends and this is when something new begins. New perspective. Good girl goes bad. I’m gonna change. I’m gonna be everything I’m not. And if it helps, then okay. I’m in. No way out. I gotta do this. Not just because of him. Because of me. I can’t rest til I try this thing out. I’m really tired of this topic and I’m sure you too but…this is life..sucks but that’s the only way we can learn. I don’t wanna fall back on my face again. And if I’ll lose this battle I truly would like to forget him. I mean…quit loving him. I don’t understand.. “my” boy and my girl hated each other a couple of months ago and now they’re like..best friends or something. I want to be his friend like her. And I don’t know what to do to get that title. Okay, I’m ending up writing this s*it, I gotta learn so much. And maybe if I’m studying I’m not gonna think about him too much. Not a chance I know but I’ll try. I want to write about good news next week. God, give me strength. I wanna be strong enough to bear this…
